Every person alive has been part of a cycle. They have things they regret doing or regret were done to them. Some feel they have put these memories ‘behind’ them. This is possible, and it’s also good to be aware that unless you have processed the memories, they will still be active in your life on some level. They may be causing you to lose sleep, or have repetitive dreams. These life events may be the cause of what repetitively ‘bubbles up’ in your life, such as anger, fear, anxiety, or a need to ‘fix’ others. The good news is YOU can be a cycle breaker!
Take a realistic look at what was helpful, and not helpful in your childhood.
Somewhere along the way of growing into maturity, you may have realized that something in your childhood was at the very least, not helpful. It may have even been abusive. It could be something that your parent said or did that seemed innocuous but created shame in you as a child.
Shame is a tricky emotion because it is created and grows in innocuous ways. It creates a fear of speaking up for yourself as a result of consistently not being heard, seen, or taken seriously. It can create an internal negative belief that ‘you are not deserving of healthy relationships’ as a result of only seeing and experiencing unhealthy relationships.
Or maybe the ‘something in childhood’ was very blatantly abusive, such as physical or sexual abuse from a person you trusted. Parental neglect may have led to being surrounded by adults who physically or sexually abused you.
Take a look at childhood needs that were unmet
For all new clients, I share a list of needs that every child must have in order to develop into adulthood. None are negotiable. The more a child receives growing up, the healthier they will become.
I also share the list with people who aren’t able to recognize their adult needs. If that seems like you, just complete the contact form on this website and I will e-mail you the complete list. It helps to see a list of developmental needs, because it can help you recognize which of your adult needs are not being met. Knowing this can push you in the direction of seeking help. Seeking help can help you recognize that you DO DESERVE BETTER!
Consider therapy to help you be the best version of yourself
You may feel overwhelmingly stuck in this cycle and can’t begin to understand why. When that’s the case, humans often blame their bosses, partners, children, and maybe even their dogs for their current difficulties. They might not recognize a cycle. But, what they know instinctively is that they want better for their own lives. They want better for the lives of those around them, their children, or future children.
If that’s true for you, I encourage you to consider therapy. Many types of therapy can help. But, one of the most effective in breaking cycles is EMDR therapy. I say this because I have worked with so many who used EMDR to help break a cycle. What I see is people becoming their true selves–becoming stronger each day. They are very courageous because it’s not always easy. Consider doing it for yourself!
