Have you ever regretted spending time with your extended family for the holidays? Some people look forward to spending time with their family. Others can predict how the visit will go. They have been down that road! Even for those who want to be with these people they call family, it can be stressful especially during the holidays. Well, It’s already that time of year, but you still have some time to make some small shifts that may decrease your stress. Here are just a few ideas.
Stay in a hotel
The idea is that after a few days of ‘togetherness’ everyone needs space. Parents start to treat their adult children as they did when they lived at home. Adult children might begin to feel they are reacting like a child. Many of the old, typical patterns arise, just as if you were in a time warp. If you begin the trip planning for a space, then each day you are resetting the stress timer to -0- for everyone. Everyone can relax and enjoy the times that you are together. If not staying in their home is offensive to your family, or you aren’t able to stay in hotel, think about trying #2.
For longer stays, take a side trip
This serves the same purpose of separating to make space. If you plan the side trip in advance and tell your family about it, they will have time to accept your choice.
If you have children, keep them in their routines as much as possible
Kids feel the stress, too. They need to sleep and eat at somewhat regular times. Otherwise they turn into grumpy little munchkins. No one finds this enjoyable. Things don’t have to be perfect and your children can’t be expected to be perfect, either. Make a plan, lower your expectations, and you won’t be as disappointed.
Set some boundaries for yourself before you leave your home
You can probably easily recognize the negative patterns that are typical in your family. If you know the types of things that may come up, prepare a kind and direct verbal response. For example, “Dad, if this topic comes up, I will choose not to participate. I’d rather make our short time together peaceful.” Prepare your family members in advance and give them time to mull it over before you arrive.
Stay away from triggering conversations.
Of course, you can’t prepare for every single topic, but a kind and direct verbal response will help here, also. For example, “Mom, I’d rather spend our time talking about what’s been going on in our lives.” Hold the boundaries without becoming angry, and the majority of time, they will be honored.
Wishing you Happy Holidays!
