Every mom I know lives for the moment when at least one of her adult children utters a sentiment sounding something like this: “Thanks for being who you are and raising me the way you did”.
I received birthday messages from 2 of my children which I will treasure for life. The first went like this: “When I was growing up I knew that you wanted the best for me. Now that I am older, I can see all the effort you put into being there for me through the years”.
I don’t know a Mom who doesn’t want the best for her child. Some women feel this so deeply that they choose to give birth to their child and then gift them to a family who has the capability to put in the years of effort, care, and love that they know they are not able to give. Being a Mom and wanting the best for your child takes effort. And, it’s damn hard effort! I suspect that the daughter who sent this message knows that all too well, now that she is a mother herself.
This is the effort that goes beyond words. It is witnessed every day in action. It is there when you are rested and happy and also there when you are exhausted and weepy. Every single effort is seen by your child, no matter their age. The effort is seen when you provide them with something they truly need (not only want) and they realize the sacrificial deed even though you would never tell them what it took to meet that need.
Your child feels the effort it takes coming all the way from your heart to theirs, when you have to set a limit about something which they know or care to admit is not beneficial to them. They hear and internalize your words, and it takes consistent effort to make them good words.
And last, but absolutely never should it be least: your kiddos watch every move you make, even the self-destructive ones. They notice and learn that you never take time for yourself, that you don’t allow yourself time for fun, that you give up your exercise time and eat junk food because every last ounce of your time and effort goes straight to them.
Then, as history shows, they will strive fiercely to do the same things you do: sacrifice their well-being to meet someone else’s needs, choose what they know is harmful to themselves, and not take any time to care for themselves.
So, Mama, you have to do the thing that seems least important—care for yourself—first. I know, you think it’s selfish, but it must be done first so that you will be able to put in all of the other damn hard efforts that are required of you and do them well.
You are being heard, watched, and followed by some very important people.
(Part !!–coming soon…)
