Every May, a holiday comes around that is filled with food, flowers and love. At least that’s how the media portrays Mother’s Day. This may have been true for you at one time or another. However, it’s wise to acknowledge that there are more than a few people for whom this day is a grief reminder. Maybe you are suffering or know someone who is. This post was made for you–to give you some ideas that may help you survive this difficult day. 
If you have recently lost a Mom, aunt, sister, a child, or any woman in your life, it is important to remember that ‘grief is a journey’. One moment you may feel like you are moving forward and the next you may feel lost all over again. If you are on this journey near Mother’s Day, or if it’s the first Mother’s day after your loss, every single emotion you have felt will likely be magnified. Grief may also surprise you with some emotions you have not yet felt.
What used to excite and fill you with joy on this day, can instead cause you dread. So, you would be wise to give yourself some grace on Mother’s Day. Choose the one thing you can muster up the energy to do and then do it. Do it without pushing yourself to keep up a tradition because ‘that’s the way it has always been”. It’s often helpful to start a new tradition.
But, remember that doing nothing–for example changing nothing or pretending nothing has changed–won’t help! Emotions only grow in the face of avoidance. These pent up emotions always come out, and it usually isn’t pretty. This is a day to care for yourself, so choose carefully what to do and what not to do. Acknowledging and honoring your emotions is like letting a bit of air out of a balloon that’s been stretched too far. So, along with the one courageous and possibly ‘normal’ thing you have chosen to do, try adding a practice to honor your grief. Here are a few ideas.
Light a candle
Take 20-30 minutes to experience your emotions. Light a candle, sit, and allow your emotions to be released. Grief, tears, anger and regret are just a few. Allow your tears to come. Journal about the process. When time is up, get up and carry on as best you can. This is one way for you to ‘let the air out of your balloon full of emotions’. each time you do this, you will feel a bit lighter
Do Something to Visibly Honor Your Loved One
You might create a remembrance place in your home, with pictures & several cherished items of your loved one. The ultimate worry of grievers is that you and others will forget the one you lost. You can prevent that by sharing stories about holidays with a trusted person–a person who will listen all the way to the end of your sentences. A person that won’t try to talk you out of your emotions. Maybe it’s a memory made with your loved one, a funny story, or what they liked best about the holidays. Keeping your loved one’s memory alive is a path to healing.
Recognize the Grief of Others
Take time to recognize and lift up all those you know or haven’t yet met who are suffering on Mother’s Day. Hold in your thoughts those who have lost a mother, mothers who have lost a child, those who want with all their hearts to be a mother and have not succeeded. And, there are always those who live in the shadows of abuse, rejection, or desertion by their mothers. Get to know them if possible. In the least, think of them and send them love and strength to help them survive this day.
Be Present
As you intentionally practice the suggestions above or similar ideas that are a better fit for you, there is another benefit you may receive. You are likely to stay more present during this time of year. If that seems unlikely, continue to check in with yourself and stay mindful of your own grief. When you are mindful of your grief, you will begin to see it’s not so hard to be mindful with all those around you. Even those who are happy on this day.
