How to Model Positive Behavior as a Parent? 5 Essential Tips

How do we model positive behavior as parents? It’s more than just guiding children with words – it’s about showing them how to behave through your actions. But with daily stresses and distractions, it can be challenging to consistently set a positive example for our children. 

My name is Debbie Carter, and I’m a trauma therapist of 10+ years who has helped countless people overcome battles with depression, anxiety, and childhood trauma. 

My insights are gained through talking with hundreds of people who’ve suffered from childhood abuse or who simply had bad models for parents growing up.

In this article, I’ll teach you simple, impactful ways to model behaviors for your children. These strategies will help your children to grow up to be happier, more responsible adults.

Key Takeaways

• We learn behaviors from our parents actions, not words
• The tone of voice we use communicates a lot of information
• How we treat others when no one is looking matters even more
• Setting expectations and following through is essential
• Owning your mistakes teaches humility

Tip #1: Leading by Example

Children learn most from what they see, not just what they’re told. This phenomenon is known as observational learning, according to Michigan Ross. Modeling positive behavior in everyday interactions—like showing kindness or managing frustration calmly—teaches them powerful lessons. 

For example, when we demonstrate empathy at the grocery store to the clerk, we in effect teach kids how to behave in the world. Each small act in your daily life becomes a teachable moment. And kids pick up on all of this at a subconscious level. 

When we show up each day with this attitude, you instill a foundation that will help them become a compassionate adult with good manners.

Lead Effectively in Daily Life

Although these seem like small things, they are actually the big things that help shape our children:

• Showing Kindness
  Hold the door for others, thank people genuinely, and offer a helping hand when possible. This teaches children the importance of kindness in daily life.
  
• Managing Stress Calmly
  When feeling stressed, take a deep breath, and calmly explain your approach to managing it (e.g., “I’m taking a moment to breathe before responding”). This shows kids how to handle tough emotions constructively.
  
• Practicing Gratitude
  Regularly express gratitude by saying things like, “I’m thankful for our family dinners” or “I appreciate your help.” This demonstrates the habit of focusing on the positives in life.
• Respecting Others’ Opinions
  Show respect during disagreements by listening and responding calmly, even if you don’t agree. This models respect and shows kids how to communicate maturely.
• Helping Others
  Involve kids when you do kind acts, like bringing a meal to a neighbor or volunteering. These actions foster a sense of community and empathy.
• Following Through on Commitments
  Keep promises and follow through with your plans (e.g., “We said we’d play a game after dinner, so let’s do it”). Consistency builds trust and teaches the value of reliability.

Tip #2 :Practice Active Listening

A lot of people come into therapy with me and say they never really felt heard or understood by their parents. In turn, they grow up thinking that their thoughts and perspectives aren’t valuable, which leads to low self-esteem and confidence issues.

Active listening is a powerful way to connect with your child and show you genuinely care. By listening to them fully and reflecting back what they’ve shared, you validate their feelings and encourage them to always feel open to others perspectives, too.

Ways to Show You Care Through Active Listening

• Be Present: Put away distractions like your phone and focus entirely on the conversation. This shows your child they have your full attention.
• Use Non-Verbal Cues: Nod, maintain eye contact, and lean in slightly. These small gestures communicate that you’re engaged and value what they’re saying.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Invite them to share more by asking questions that go beyond yes or no answers. This encourages them to express their feelings fully.
• Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don’t fully understand. Saying, “I can see why you feel that way,” helps them feel supported.

Bonus Tip: Reflect Back to Show You Understand

Nodding and saying you understand what your child is going through doesn’t always work. In contrast, reflecting their words back to them validates that you’ve really heard and understood them. 

For example, if they’re upset about a friend, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling sad because you miss spending time with them.” This practice validates their feelings and reinforces the importance of open, honest communication.

This practice allows your child to grow up with more emotional intelligence and less problems relating to others.

Tip #3 :Show Empathy and Kindness

Simple acts of empathy and kindness can profoundly shape your child’s understanding of compassion. Children who grow up with this behavior model will be taught that showing compassion to others is not a valuable thing to do. 

By offering a kind word, showing appreciation, or helping someone in need, you’re teaching them that kindness matters, especially during tough times.

Everyday Ways to Model Kindness and Empathy

• Express Gratitude: Regularly thank others, from the barista to family members, showing your child the power of appreciation.
• Listen Fully: Give your child your undivided attention when they speak, teaching them the importance of empathy.
• Help Others Together: Engage in small acts of kindness as a family, like helping a neighbor, reinforcing compassion through action.
• Speak Kindly: Use gentle, respectful words to everyone around you, creating a positive, nurturing home environment.

Bonus Tip: Modeling Compassion During Hard Times

When challenges arise, your response to various situations teaches resilience and empathy. Modeling this behavior is important if you want your child to grow up with self-control and resilience during hard times.

Tip #4 Encourage Positive Communication

38% of our communication comes from our tone of voice. Your tone and manners set the tone for your child’s understanding of respectful communication. Even in moments of frustration, maintaining a calm and gentle tone teaches your child to navigate emotions constructively.

Using a Positive Tone of Voice, Even When Upset

When emotions run high, it’s natural to feel reactive, but your tone of voice impacts how your child interprets your words. Here are a few ways to model positive communication, even when you’re upset:

• Pause Before Responding: Take a moment to gather your thoughts before speaking. This prevents impulsive reactions and promotes thoughtful responses.
• Keep a Gentle Tone: Even if frustrated, try to keep your voice soft. This reassures your child that emotions are safe to express without fear.
• Lower the Volume: Lowering your voice can diffuse tension, signaling a calm, open space for communication.
• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Express that you’re upset calmly, focusing on the issue rather than assigning blame. This models accountability and honesty.

Using appropriate voice inflection improves your communication and increases the chance your child will become a strong communicator, too.

Bonus Tip: Modeling Manners with Everyone You Meet

Sometimes we treat those closer to us worse than we do the clerk at the grocery store; that’s because our guard is down with people close to us. But it’s important to remember that how we treat everyone in front of children matters, strangers or not. 

• Be Consistent: Using polite language with everyone, even in challenging situations, reinforces respect and empathy.
• Demonstrate Grace in Conflict: When you handle disagreements with courtesy, you show your child how to approach conflict with integrity.
• Encourage Your Child to Use Manners: Empowering them to use polite language boosts confidence and social skills, teaching that positive communication opens doors.

Showing kindness to everyone is the best way children learn to be respectful to people of all backgrounds.

#5 Set Consistent Expectations

Setting consistent expectations helps your child understand what’s valued in your family. By rewarding positive actions and addressing negative ones, you create a clear, supportive framework for them to grow and learn.

Reward Positive Behavior, Address Negative Behavior

Children thrive with clear, consistent expectations. When you establish that positive behavior is rewarded and negative behavior has consequences, it gives them a reliable structure to follow. Here’s how to put this into practice:

• Define Expectations: Clearly outline what positive and negative behaviors look like so your child knows what’s expected.
• Be Consistent with Consequences: Ensure negative actions have consistent responses, teaching accountability and reinforcing the importance of choices.
• Praise and Reward Positive Efforts: Acknowledge their positive actions with praise or small rewards, reinforcing the behaviors you value.
• Model Positive Behavior: Show them constructive ways to handle challenges—your example is a powerful teacher.

Bonus Tip: Apologize When You Slip Up

Mistakes happen, and when you apologize sincerely, you’re teaching humility and accountability. A genuine apology shows your child it’s okay to own mistakes and that relationships matter more than being “right.” Explain what you did wrong and how you’ll improve, helping them understand the value of honesty and personal growth.

By consistently modeling this, you foster an environment of trust and openness, where everyone feels valued and heard. This simple act of owning up to mistakes reinforces a compassionate family dynamic, teaching your child that respect and understanding are at the core of positive relationships.

Model Positive Behavior Through Healing Yourself First

By modeling positive behavior, you’re doing more than guiding your child’s actions—you’re shaping a legacy of compassion, respect, and resilience. Every act of active listening, every display of empathy, and each consistent expectation you set leaves an imprint that can ripple across generations. When you embody these values daily, you empower your child to grow in a world rooted in kindness and understanding.

If you’re seeking support on this journey, Debbie Carter offers expert EMDR therapy services, helping individuals and families heal and thrive. Reach out to Debbie to discover how EMDR can support you in creating a stronger, more compassionate family environment.

Modeling Positive Behavior FAQ

What is an example of behavior modeling?

Showing patience when frustrated teaches kids calm responses. Behavior modeling involves demonstrating the behaviors you want others to adopt. For example, if you respond calmly when things don’t go as planned, your child learns that patience is a valuable way to handle frustration. This shows them that actions are often more powerful than words.

What does it mean to model good behavior?

It means leading by example through your actions and words. Modeling good behavior means embodying values like respect, honesty, and kindness so that others, especially children, can follow suit. For instance, if you consistently use polite language and express gratitude, your child will likely adopt these positive habits by observing your example.

What are examples of positive behaviors?

Sharing, saying “please” and “thank you,” and helping others. Positive behaviors include actions that show kindness, respect, and cooperation. Examples are sharing toys, helping a friend, listening attentively, and expressing gratitude. These behaviors create a supportive and respectful environment, encouraging others to act similarly.

What is positive behavior strategies?

Using proactive methods to encourage good behavior. Positive behavior strategies are approaches that focus on reinforcing good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. This might involve setting clear expectations, offering praise for achievements, and teaching problem-solving skills. These strategies create a constructive environment that motivates positive actions.

How to promote positive behavior as a parent?

Encourage, praise, and set clear expectations. To promote positive behavior, actively acknowledge good actions, give specific praise, and set consistent expectations. Create a positive environment by rewarding kindness and empathy, reinforcing the importance of these values. This approach motivates individuals to keep making good choices.