and profoundly sweet. (Cheryl Strayed) Take a moment to sit with this: “Mothering is absurdly hard and profoundly sweet”. While paradoxical, these two facts cannot be joined together with ‘but’.Doing that seems to weaken the first idea that mothering is absurdly hard.
Think about what makes mothering hard…it shouldn’t take too long. The daily list is in and of itself is very long. Sleepless nights, endless questions, teething, potty training, crying, tantrums, tantrums in public, laundry, dirty floors, toy explosions, carrying a child on your hip (while holding 10 other items).
Sometimes moms have multiple days without a shower. The noise, interrupted conversations and thoughts, growing chore lists creates a racing mind. This makes for exhausted moms.
This is a timeless topic and even women with adult children can relate. There are still “absurdly hard” parts. Those hard parts show themselves differently awith adult children, and need to be treated differently. And, if you talked to your mother or grandmother I’m sure they would readily relate. However, the hard parts of motherhood for the prior generation happened in simpler times, less media available, safer places for children to be children. And, these moms likely had more family and more support.
Now, Moms have social media which brings endless amounts of information. Some of this is good and some not so good. It leaves Moms needing to wade through the information and attempt to decide what they should or should not do. We also have a frantic pace of life, and receive endless and unsolicited mothering advice. Moms of today also hace pressure to have a successful career. This feeds the belief that women should ‘do it all’. All of this equates to one feeling–PRESSURE. Some pressures can come from an external source and sometimes from an internal source. What is the source of your pressure?
These many influences have created anxious moms who constantly feel the need to keep up with the mom next door. The constant external pressure to be the ‘perfect’ parent wrecks them. It’s a setup for failure! After all, no parent or no human is, was, or ever will be perfect. The external pressure can be powerful. It is unrelenting! Many women who seek therapy do so because they suffer from guilt and contant thoughts of not being enough.
Very frequently, I see new Moms who are confused and unsure of themselves when it comes to parenting. I also see excellent examples of moms who have not allowed the external pressure to rule them. There’s a sharp contrast between the two!! All of them have an absurdly hard to-do list which is just as long, or longer than this blog. How do some Moms remain happy and others live in constant guilt for not doing or not being the best?
Chronically exhausted Moms seem to feel pressured by external sources. All of the pressures I’ve listed above and in come they may feel they need to live up to the beliefs and ideals of their family of origin. For example, this is the parent who strives to do everything perfectly. They end up being consumed by ‘perfection’ and are left with little to no down time with their children.
The other group of Moms appear to live with no pressure. Of course this isn’t true because all Moms are pressured. What’s the difference? These Moms tend to focus on their internal ‘pressure’. The source of this pressure is from within and it’s difficult also. The difference is that it is more likely your truth. They find it when they ‘listen to and follow their gut”. Their ‘gut’ tells them that their priority is having quality time with their children. They realize that all of the other pressures can wait. These Moms don’t have a perfectly clean house, but it’s organized enough that they can function without frustration. They create happier, joy filled days. Because they listen to their ‘gut’, they are able to clearly see the ‘profoundly sweet’ part of mothering.
Which do you want to work towards? If it is too difficult to do on your own, call me. Together we can get you to the place where you will experience both the absurdly hard part and the profoundly sweet part!