Many women suffer from depression and/or anxiety and often feel shame. Understanding postpartum mental health needs can create hope during the postpartum period.
Be grateful for your healthy baby
In general, our society believes this postpartum period is and should be the happiest time in a woman’s life. That is a very unfortunate belief. Unfortunate because It causes a lack of recognition and lack of compassion for the pain of postpartum mood disorders. It also leaves women feeling as if something is wrong with them because they are not ‘happy’. Gratefulness can and does exist with other emotions-even depression.
Pain and shame
This belief about women and childbearing creates pain and shame. The ideal is to be overjoyed in every moment of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. Of course, many women want this also. Sadly, this doesn’t prepare women for a realistic look at pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. I have met women who felt poorly throughout their whole pregnancy, women who have severe nausea that requires medication, and women who previously lost a baby. They become fearful of losing another baby. Fear fills for 9 months. These are just a few examples of situations which are often not spoken of.
This is a sad disservice to women. They begin to believe that something is wrong with them. Afterall, this can be a blissful time of life! Most women want bliss. Not every woman feels blissful. When they don’t feel bliss, shame shows it’s face. They feel they can can’t talk about their sadness, anxious thoughts, or fears. They feel they are the ‘only’ ones who have these fears.
And, finally, when they muster up the courage to talk about it, they hear the response they have feared: “You should be happy!” or “You are so fortunate, so be grateful”. These responses only reinforce the idea that they shouldn’t talk about their emotions.
Making it safe to talk about emotions
Talking and being heard is exactly what women need. They long to be heard and seen. They want their sadness to be accepted and also validated. They want to be able to release their emotions without others heaping shame on top of shame. Many more women are getting this need met now vs. twenty years ago. Yet, if you spoke to postpartum women, you would hear some aspect of shame they experienced during this period.
Maybe you have been at the mercy of these beliefs. Maybe it’s all you knew growing up, so you believe it. If so, now is the time to realize that women need understanding, reassurance, acceptance and knowledge to understand what is happening to them.
You can be the change!
Many group are trying to change policies that negatively effect postpartum women. And, there are many others who are supporting postpartum women (and men). They are offering groups to meet others who may have had similar emotions. One such group is Postpartum Support International or PSI.
Today, I met Ali Queen, a PA who began Empowerment Mental Health to provide medication management to adults, including women who are suffering perinatal mood disorders. She has put together a very comprehensive list of resources and given me permission to share. If you know someone you believe is suffering in silence and shame, please click here to find the list and share it.
