What does it mean to ‘become integrated’?
Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, described integration as the process during which both the individual and the collective
unconscious are integrated into the personality. He saw it as a positive psychological development that indicates psychological maturity and may help an individual move past negative habits.
In much simpler terms, integration is being and living out of your true self. You can label this self as authentic, higher, or simply soul. They all mean that this is what’s at your core. Every human enters the world in true self form. Then, they quickly adapt to messages from the family and parental models. You may have grown up in an environment full of validation, one where you never had validation or somewhere in between. You may have had traumatic events and beliefs that arise from them. Your fearful part, a closed off part, or an angry part developed in order to help you survive.
These ‘child self’ parts are part of the whole self–they are part of you! Often, in our adult lives, when we feel threatened, not seen and heard, or taken for granted the ‘child self’ also becomes activated. This is when you react to a situation in a way that seems very ‘childlike’. Afterwards, you ask yourself why did I do that, say that, or act that way”? You scorn and begin to build a negative mental picture of yourself, labeling yourself as ‘bad’ in some way. Then, you expend a great deal of energy trying to keep those ‘bad things’ in the closet.
Of course the natural tendency is to try to ‘rid’ ourselves of that child part (or at least keep it in the darkest, messiest closet). At first everything is better, but eventually it just won’t stay in the closet. You (and everyone) carries child parts and it simply means that life has happened to you.
What do the ‘child parts’ look like and do?
Here are just a few of the many ways that your child self might show up: always wondering what others think of you, having a pervasive feeling that something bad is going to happen, or that you don’t deserve to be seen and heard, or aren’t worthy of love. Even the idea that taking time for yourself is selfish can come from the ‘child part’ who didn’t receive the care they needed or felt it necessary to take care of family members. These child parts served a purpose at the time they were developed. Maybe they kept you safe, helped your caretakers value and accept you, or fulfilled a specific role in your childhood family. Your child parts aren’t ‘bad.” They don’t need to be banished. At the time, they helped protect you and made you feel safe and accepted. However, the roles they once played generally are no longer helpful or effective.
So taking these parts out of their metaphoricaI closets, getting to know them better, and giving them the time, attention and respect they deserve calms them! And, when your child parts are calm, you are calm also!
How does EMDR help the process of integration?
There are several elements in EMDR that will help heal your negative thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. I will list two of these, but there are others. First is bi-lateral stimulation (tapping or eye movements) which helps to balance the emotional and rational sides of the brain. Another is the use of visualization which can help clients gain a ‘felt sense’ of the positive emotions which they are not used to experiencing. Clients begin to develop a fine-tuned awareness of their body sensations which indicate emotional energy arising and decreasing. This enables them to manage their emotions.
What does it look like to live an integrated life?
Clients begin therapy with strong patterns of self-criticism, anger, fear, guilt and shame, all the time knowing that they have done nothing wrong. They lack joy in life, are highly anxious, and have intrusive thoughts and fears which they realize are irrational, just to name a few.
Then, with the help of EMDR, they begin to feel more hopeful. Their anger, anxiety, and fears decrease and they are able to utilize the tools they have learned. They notice they are less reactive, and experience their adult self being in the ‘driver’s seat of their life for the majority of the time.
Do you want to feel differently and have more peace in your life?
If so, you may consider EMDR therapy. Or, you may have a lot more questions. Either way, I am open to talking further and helping you become integrated!
