EMDR FOR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

What will people think?

Each day a lot of precious ‘mind time’ is spent wondering what others think of you. It plagues you that you doubt yourself at every turn. You want to listen to your gut, but rarely do so. The lump that lives in your throat stops you from genuine, honest, adult conversation and resolution. Inner discomfort results either in over-reacting or shutting down. You realize that you operate from the extremes most of the time.

You are either hyperaroused or hypoaroused. Neither of these states feels comfortable. In these states, your true self, or who you are at your core, remains somewhat hidden. So, where’s the middle ground between hypersaroused and hypoaroused? In therapy we refer to it as ‘being in the window of tolerance’. When you are in the window of tolerance, you are in a regulated state-calm and safe. In this state you are able to think and feel at the same time.

I had a wonderful childhood–no trauma there!

There’s no denying that parts of your childhood were wonderful. However, along with the wonderful parts there may have been some hard parts. You may have experienced trauma (when something is done to you). Additionaly, you may have experienced some attachment wounds (when your developmental needs are not met).

Attachment wounds appear to be less troublesome on the outside, but when there is no repair these wounds result in trauma. Attachment trauma remains unresovled as a result of not understanding the importance of your childhood. You might run from this because of fear. The truth is that your adult problems may be happening as a result of childhood trauma.

Think of it like this: Your family’s default way of operating may have been to make sure that you behaved. It was never okay to misbehave. You child self adapted to this way of operating– staying small and quiet. When you did, you were rewarded with love and praise from your parent/s. This seemingly benign family pattern creates a fearful and inconsistent attachment to your parent/s.

Attachment wounds are subtly traumatic. They inform the thoughts and beliefs you have about your self, others and the world. This results in a sense of insecurity in the child that is carried into adulthood. The result of being conditioned to ‘behave’, is that now your adult self has great difficutly speaking up in their most important adult relationships.

The ones you love might view your silence as ‘not caring’ or ‘not wanting to get to know them at a deeper level’. So, what helped you gain love and praise as a child no longer does for your adult self.  Instead it causes a crippling fear of speaking up and communicating the way you would like in your most intimate relationships.

Focusing on your inner state.

In spite of your childhood trauma, the list of what you do well is long. It may be parenting, being at the top of your career, or helping others. This is what others see on the outside and it looks great! But, it’s your internal emotions that matter. It’s your inner state that tells you when you need some extra help. In therapy we will work to help your inner self become just as strong as your outer self.

When your inner self is strong and empowered, you are in the window of tolerance. Your regulation helps you to live a more peaceful and joyful life. And, people who have only seen and known your outer self will now have the priviledge of getting to know your inner self! They will find, as do you, that your inner self is unique and special. Your inner self needs and deserves to be heard!

EMDR for childhood trauma is a gentle approach

Using Internal Family Systems theory along with EMDR creates this approach. First you help me learn about your childhood as well as what is currently happening in your life. First, we learn some ways of helping you stay in the ‘window of tolerance’ where you are thinking and feeling at the same time.

To help you stay regulated while processing childhood events, we begin building resources. Resources help you feel safe as you process your memories. And, even better, the resources can also help you when you become dysregulated in everyday life. You will also learn how to observe the various parts of your personality which developed in childhood. This helps you build awareness of the parts of your personality, why they exist, and how they make you feel.

You will begin to realize that your anger, for example, is not who you are. It is only a part of yourself. The intensity with which you have felt anger begins to die down. You realize that your angry part is not something to banish from your personality. This angry part helped to protect you in the past. It may even protect you now! By befriending this part it beomes less and less activated. It becomes more patient and can stay nearby your true self (just in case it’s needed). In the process your true self becomes more and more regulated.

Next, with the help of bi-lateral stimulation you can process your thoughts, emotions, and memories that came to be a part of you as a result of childhood trauma. Gradually you will be living, thinking and feeling like the empowered adult you are!