Recently, a former client, Marie, called to thank me for my work with her. She shared that she mentions EMDR to everyone with whom she comes into contact who has also suffered from PTSD, and went on to say that ‘I saved her life’. This momentarily took me aback as I didn’t recall her ever having been suicidal. Upon reflection, I realized that people don’t necessarily have to be suicidal to feel like their life has been ‘saved’.
The Power of a Safe Place
Her memory of our work to create a ‘Safe Place’ in EMDR therapy was clear. This visual image immediately popped into my mind more than five years later. It was such a powerful image that I too could clearly see it in my mind’s eye.
Little Marie imagined herself on her own planet because she was always fascinated with the universe. Her planet was covered in many beautiful varieties of fragrant flowers. She felt carefree in her pure white silky dress, with the sun warming her body. Twirling around and around with her eyes closed, a huge smile spread across her face. A light, fresh breeze, picked her long black hair off of her neck, as it also wafted the scent of fresh laundry over her face.
Marie proceeded to tell me that she continues to use this safe place when she is feeling overwhelmed by emotion…even more than 5 years later! The most recent time–when she learned of her now ex-husband’s infidelity with his cousin. For the first time, she shared that for many years before this, she had suffered domestic violence in her relationship. Deep shame kept her from sharing this with anyone.
Moving out of Shame into Safety
Could this be why she credited me with saving her life? Marie was finally able to move out of shame and gather the courage to leave a marriage in which she never felt she was loved just as she was.
Marie’s life had been saved! She now felt safe enough to experience the feeling of daily living out of her true, authentic self. No longer does she need to seek anyone else’s approval, because she now recognizes her own worth.
Safety was never present in her childhood
Not coincidentally, this same scenario was a theme of her childhood. Marie lacked affection and attention. She was not given predictable, consistent care, and suffered abuse at the hands of her mother. Physical and emotional abuse scarred her life from a very young age.
It is obvious that the sense of safety she feels when she twirls and relaxes in her safe place truly lives within her. She consistently provides this sense of safety to her child self and it literally is carrying her through life. Her inner child is now carefree the majority of the time.
As a result, her adult self is more regulated and more able to stand up to those who try to thwart her emotional safety. She can truthfully say that she loves herself.
Broken Cycles Everywhere!
Marie has also fully forgiven her mother and thanked her for showing her what a mother is not supposed to do, as well as for taking her to a church where she found God. Her personal relationship with God is what has gotten her through many, many adversities in her life.
And, it doesn’t stop there! Marie has also given her children the gift of helping them create and utilize their own safe places. Going a step further, she is currently creating a tangible safe place for domestic violence victims to come to when they are hopeless. Her story has been transformed into one which brings hope to others each time she shares it.
