Babies aren’t born to name or identify their emotions. However, they do feel their emotions. What is the cause of their crying? There are pain cries, hunger cries, dirty diaper cries, and ‘I need you’ cries. Parents generally learn to read what their baby needs and then provide it.
Emotions are Taught
As children grow older and learn to walk and talk, these emotions may begin to feel very scary to them. Children don’t know what is happening in their bodies. It feels weird and unfamiliar and can become scary. They don’t know what’s happening to them!
And, even less helpful, they don’t know how to express what they are feeling. Not knowing can cause the feelings to grow. They just know that they don’t like what’s happening. As these emotions grow, at some point the child will have a reaction.
Generally, their reactions come out in the form of temper tantrums, hitting, yelling, or crying. All of these behaviors are expressions of frustration about the unknown. They are communicating with you in the only way they know how.
What’s the Solution?
Parents must continue to learn to ‘read’ their toddler, then their child, and later, their teen. The second step is to teach them about their emotions. Next,are some ways this can be done.
Start early!
Babies understand more than you know. Every time you read and meet their physical needs, you are communicating with them. If they are crying, and you respond by holding them, take this important time to talk about their emotions. For example, “You must be tired. Let’s rock in the chair to help you relax.”
Children of any age, even babies, learn to tell the differing tones of your voice. And, they make connections about what each tone may convey. If your tone is an angry one, they don’t feel safe. When words are paired with what they are feeling or seeing, you are encouraging both their language development and their emotional development. You can also tell them about your emotions. If you are sad and they see you cry, tell them, “It’s okay, I’m just feeling sad.”
Meet Your Own Emotional Needs.
Parents tend to put meeting their own emotional needs on the back burner. This is understandable because most are going 95 mph every day. There’s the children, work, their partner, etc. You’ve heard the saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” It makes people laugh, but they are laughing because they have experienced ‘an unhappy mama!’
But, mamas (and papas) need to run on a calm nervous system the majority of the time or they will eventually ‘lose it’. This means getting good sleep, having some time to yourself and using it for your own growth such as journaling, meditating, etc. They have to play because this gets those ‘feel good’ endorphins flowing! You can play and re-learn how to play by playing with your child! And, if any of this is too difficult or you can’t find time to do it, a therapist can help you learn the why’s and how’s of relaxing.
Also take some longer times away from your children every once in a while. The amount of time depends on your child’s age. Even if it’s only 2 days and the kids are in good hands, it will give you a chance to realize that you are not only a parent, but also an adult! You will return and realize how much you missed your children.
The combination of 1 & 2 is you, modeling all the things you want for your children and helping them grow up with a great emotional IQ!
Think into the Future!
What do you want your children to remember about their childhood? That they came home to an empty house, ate dinner alone, and played on their iPads? Sometimes they were asleep before you got home.
Or, do you want to watch them thrive and be kind, smart people who can change the world? If this is the case, they will have learned to manage their emotions – all of them because of your commitment to showing them how to manage your own emotions.
